Hashtag MomLife

I know no one said motherhood is glamorous, but add this to the "things they don't tell you" file.

Last night I was asleep with Luke in his bed. I was still in my work clothes. And contacts. "Just stay with me a little while mommy" regularly turns into a 3-hour dark nap in our house. I should really know better at this point.

When I woke up a few hours later I weighed the options in my head...get up and go through the motions of getting read for bed at 1am, or skip that routine altogether, but still have to clean off the pile of clean clothes that were sitting on my side of the bed.  Both of those options sounded way more involved than anything I wanted to tackle at the moment, so I unapologetically decided that I was comfortable *enough* to just stick it out with him in his twin bed for the rest of the night. (Besides, this way I would avoid both the inevitable visit from him around 4am AND most likely a request from the dog to be let out around 3am.)

This seemed like a good plan...until I woke up to the serene sounds of rushing water and realized that my dear, sound-sleeping snuggle bug was in fact peeing.in.his.pants right next to me.

Lovely.

So, I did what any mother who cares about her sleep would do. I pulled the comforter between us to make sure none of it would touch me and kept right on sleeping. So did he.

Gross, right? But I'm totally okay with that. Now I just need to go home and change the sheets.

#momlife

Luke at 4.5

 

I've been wanting to write a little bit about Luke for awhile now. Today is his half birthday! I keep refering to him as "almost 5," but now that I realize we still have 6 months I'm going to stop doing that. Five sounds too grown up to me! This post is kind of all over the place, but I wanted to write down some of my thoughts about Luke right now.

We weren't going to throw a party when Luke turned 4, but he kept talking about having a "party" and having "all" his friends come, so I went along with it. We had a little party with just a few of our close friends and family. At first he told me he wanted an "Umi Zoomi" birthday, but as time went on he started talking about Little Einsteins, Jake the Pirate, and superheroes, so it became an eclectic mix of his favorite characters.

 

 

Luke is nothing if not expressive. He still shakes when he gets excited (which is often), and can be incredibly dramatic when things don't go exactly his way. He's been known to freak out about his socks not lining up correctly on his foot...but I think we're getting past that stage. He is very rule-oriented, which I usually try and use to my advantage. (However, when we are trying to get out of the house on a school morning and he insists were are doing things in the wrong order it kind of backfires on me.)

 

One of my favorite pics of Luke. He was throwing tissue paper up in the air with excitement.

Luke's classic "excited" clenched tooth smile.

 

Luke loves to pretend and always wants to include me in his play, which I love. Usually that involves me fitting my big body into small spaces though, so I oftentimes have to decline or modify my participation.

 

 

We have a routine at night. Usually he'll watch a couple of shows first while I get Austin to bed - lately he's been into Blues Clues and Paw Patrol. Justin was letting him watch Sponge Bob, but the grandmas and I put a kibosh on that one...I'm just not ready for that yet...then he and I read books, say prayers, and fall asleep.

 

He is a very attentive older brother. Always making sure Austin doesn't go places he shouldn't. Lately he's been asking Austin if he wants to do things, "Austin, do you want to play puzzles with me?" And Austin says, "No," because that's the stage he's in right now. They fight over toys and Luke has a hard time sharing, but they also sit together and giggle about silly stuff and made up words. Luke started using what we call "potty talk" more when he discovered that the word "poop" made Austin laugh hysterically. Boys. 

 

The other day we were playing a madlibs type game and the question was, "what is your least favorite holiday?" Luke said, with a teasing smirk, that "sharing day" was his least favorite holiday. At least he's self-aware ha ha.



Putting the block on Aus

 

His favorite color is red and he always wants to be "first." If we want him to do something in a hurry we have to make it a race. He loves parties and presents and the idea of "rewards," but he usually doesn't ask us to make good on them.

 

He still doesn't eat much. Forget fruits and vegetables unless they come in a squeezable pouch. He won't touch anything on his plate until anything offensive is removed from it. He's always been so skinny that we don't fight this much. We just want him to eat. He will eat PB&J all day everyday, so that's a staple in our house.

In the morning the first thing he asks for is hot chocolate...immediately followed by a request for a show. He likes to pick out his own clothes. He calls collared shirts his "beautiful" shirts and can usually be talked into wearing them without too much of a fight, but he would prefer to wear a Superman shirt every day of the week.

He is full of a wide range of emotions and can be strong-willed, but he is easily woo'ed back from the dark side, so he is never sad or mad for very long. He has always been easy to take out in public because he is so sweet and relatively flexible. Although sometimes it seems like he carries the weight of the world on his little shoulders, he also loves to play and have fun. Justin says he is my child whenever his dramatic streak hits, which I take offense to...but he's probably right.

 

He wants to be a rockstar, a firefighter, or a fixer. He loves creating contraptions and I am always impressed with what he comes up with. He is a home body and would prefer staying home to going out any day. Whenever I ask him if he wants to go out with "just mommy," he says no. He wants Austin to come along. He draws maps everyday at school...always with the maps.

He is a boy who likes to have fun, but he's not a "rascal" like some boys are.

 

He loves to help and always wants to be in the mix when we're doing a project. He loves to paint and always asks me to bake cookies, muffins or cakes with him.  When we asked him what color we should paint our barn he said, "rainbow."

 

He is sensitive and strong. So strong. He cried when I told him our cat died. Then he asked if Jesus could heal her and send her back to Earth. Talk about a tough parenting moment. (But yay that he is learning about the healing power of Jesus!)

Luke loves his friends. Many of our friends live far away and we don't see them as nearly as much as we would like. He talks about them all a lot and I'm always amazed at what he remembers about friends he hasn't seen in a long time. The other day we went somewhere we hadn't been in years yet he remembered who we were with and how old he was when we were there.

 

Luke and I snuggle every night before bed. Oftentimes I fall asleep in his bed or he in ours. Occasionally I worry about this, but we both sleep better, and I know the day will come soon enough that he won't want to be close to me, so I breathe in deep and snuggle him a little closer. For now he is a mama's boy, and I am more than happy to be this boy's mama.

 

The other day in the car driving to school with both boys I said, "Luke do you know what mommy loves more than anything in the world?"

 

"Us!!!" he replied.

 

And he was right. 

The Nightly Struggle

(I love everything about this)

Pretty sure most women can agree that there's never enough time to do everything we feel we should be doing. For me, every night is the same struggle. When the last kid is in bed around 9:00pm, I have the following menu of options to choose from (in order of importance, not desirability):

1) Pick up the house and/or do the dinner dishes
2) Do some of the work I brought home with me
3) Work out
4) Work on a personal project or make something for a friend
5) Read a book/magazine
6) Watch something stupid on TV (Mindy Project & New Girl are my current favorites)


...sadly, the above list usually overwhelms me and probably 5 nights out of the week I choose option:

7) Fall asleep in my bed with Luke.

He says, "snuggle me mama" and I just can't resist. Then I'm out.

At least one night a week I stay up waaaaaayyyyy too late (or get up waaaaayyyyy too early) in order to catch up on at least one or two of the above - usually items 1, 3, or 5 - and then I pay the price for it for the rest of the week.

Generally speaking, I try to live in harmony with how I choose to spend the 24 hours I have every day, but man do I wish there were a couple of extra ones thrown in there.

Full Circle Philanthropy

Another one from the draft folder...

Years ago. Before Justin and I were even married. We were very involved with a specific church. When they undertook a multi-million dollar building project and asked their assembly for support, I didn't hestiate. I was a poor college student, but I made a three-year-pledge anyway. I looked into Justin's and my shared future and decided it was an important investment to make and I made good on that pledge and saw it through to the last dollar. It was my first significant act of philanthropy.

I hadn't thought about that gift in nearly 10 years.

Then on a sunny day last January I dropped my three-year-old off at his first day of preschool. Feeling a mixture of pride and anxiety, I rode the wave of nostalgia out of the parking lot, thinking about how far we've come in the last 3 years; typical mommy "letting go," child "growing up" feelings. I wasn't expecting the undercurrent to drag me under and leave me a big, soggy mess, but it did.

You see, I had just sent my beautiful first-born into the very building I helped build. A building that was planned for and built long before he was even the proverbial twinkle in our eyes. Before we we were officially an "us," even.

But I knew. Somewhere in my soul I planned for him. And because of him, or at least the thought of him, I made the commitment to give. And even though we are no longer affiliated with this particular church, my boy is still benefiting from that gift. And even if he wasn't, someone else's child would have.

Philanthropy works. Giving feels good. Together we can make big things happen.

The Time I Held Chris Pratt's Hand

Back in 2003 I spent a few months working as the promotions assistant for the NBC/WB affiliate in Sacramento. The job wasn't great and I didn't have the best attitude. I had just left a pretty awesome "big fish in a small town" job in my hometown and was feeling pretty big for my britches. To be micromanaged and carry so little responsibility was a huge blow to my ego at the time...not to mention I basically watched TV at my desk all day because I had so little to do. (There are only so many episodes of Blind Date that a person can watch before they go bananas...)

There were a few cool things that happened in that job though. I got to work with the news anchors a bit and one time I interviewed Nicole Scherzinger (pre-Pussycat Dolls) through a video feed, which was awkward, but kind of cool. I also got to do prize fulfillment for the station. This was usually pretty lame and just entailed calling people on the phone to let them know they won a prize or meeting them in the lobby with the gift card, etc.

But one time...we held a big contest to meet Chris Pratt at Great America. At the time he was one of the stars on the WB's Everwood. He played kind of a douchey character and he wasn't that famous, so I wasn't super excited about him. I ended up getting to be part of his "handler" team for most of the day at Great America. He met the prize winners (there were some from other WB affiliate stations as well) and we all stood in line for them to go on the Medusa rollercoaster together.

I hate rollercoasters and wasn't planning to go on with them. Chris Pratt made me go on the ride with them, sit next to him, and let me squeeze his hand really hard through the whole thing. I survived and probably got way more attention from him than the prize winners did. Oops. We hung out with a few other promotions people in a trailer for awhile afterwards and he autographed a photo for me that said something about losing feeling in his hand because I held it so tightly on the ride. It didn't mean much to me at the time, so I threw it in a box somewhere and LOST IT.

Now he's pretty famous and has been in some hit TV shows and movies. It was never that cool of a story for me to tell because for years no one really knew who he was. Now I see his picture and name more and more and that memory comes back and it makes me smile. I'm very visual when it comes to memories. If I don't have a photo of an experience it's almost like it didn't happen. This is one of those memories that threatens to be forgotten without documentation.

Man, I really wish I had that autograph.

Soccer Mom Rears Her Ugly Head





I found this post in my drafts folder and had to post it for posterity...whether or not we repeat the experience this summer remains to be seen.



Luke and his little buddy



I'd be remiss if I didn't make mention of Luke's first soccer season, which lasted for 5 or 6 weeks in July/August, 2013.

 

The night before his first game we ran into Big 5 to grab some tall soccer socks. We were in good company as several other "tot soccer" families had the same idea. Spurred on by one of the more experienced soccer moms, we also walked out with a pair of totally unnecessary neon green shin guards.

Going into it, Luke was super pumped and went on and on about how he was going to kick the ball in the net, score a goal, and win the game!

Reality was much different than the glorious vision he'd built up in his head.

See, I thought it was ridiculous that I put him in the program at all - I mean, he's three - but some friends were doing it and I thought it would be fun and low key.

 

Then I found out that some of the four-year-olds on his team had already played 3 or 4 seasons of tot soccer! We were already behind! Ack! Mom guilt! Ack!

As it was, the "seasoned" kids were more comfortable and aggressive, so Luke's vision of being a superstar soccer player was quickly replaced with a new non-plan that found him running around the field like an airplane or chasing the ball in the wrong direction.

"Airplane arms"

I wasn't planning on being an intense soccer mom. That's not cool. But, watching my child run around the field like a loon made me intense. I had no intention of being "one of those parents," but I kind of was. "Get the ball, Luke!" "What are you doing Luke?" "Get after the ball Luke!" "You gotta run, Luke!"

Whoa. Didn't see that one coming.

I finally just had to stop watching and let him do his thing.

This video pretty much sums up the experience. I love this clip because he actually makes contact with the ball TWICE at the very beginning. Then the airplane arms come out and it's all over. Luke is #7.

I didn't listen to the sound in this video before posting. Hopefully I'm not crazy soccer mom. How 'bout you just listen with the sound off just in case.



Proud Wife Moment

 

Today is my husband's 34th birthday!

We've been together for 15 of his birthdays. And you know what? I am more proud of him today than ever. He juggles the vineyard, his full-time job, church leadership responsibilities, our household finances (he is a banker after all), and family time without getting stressed out or angry. He is as steady as they come and knows how to talk me down from my various ledges. To top it off, a few months ago he started getting up at 4:00am three or four times a week to go swim with an aquatics masters program in an effort to renew his health and regain a huge part of himself that he gave up when adult responsibilities and "life" crept in. He is a superstar.

We've had our share of ups and downs over the last 3 years.

Back when we were dating we were involved in several couple's Bible studies where we had extensive and often teary-eyed (for me) conversations about our expectations of each other. We talked about the gender roles in our homes growing up and what our expectations were for each other in the future. Through these dramatic conversations we were able to break down walls and get on the same page before heading into marriage. The first seven years of our marriage were pretty smooth. There were rocky points when we both lost our jobs, and we never "had enough money," but overall we were in sync.

Seven years later we had our first kid. Roles and expectations began to shift, but with only one child, I was pretty comfortable shouldering many of Luke's needs, so things didn't change much and the ship sailed on.

Two and a half years later we bought 5 acres of land and our home doubled in size. Justin took on the farm. I took on some additional opportunities outside of my regular 8 to 5. Then we added a second baby to the mix. All of a sudden our individual responsibilities more than doubled and our roles in our family were thrown for a loop. Along with those additional responsibilities came changes in expectations, but with little "grown up" time we never really talked them out. We tried to carry on as normal, but things were strained at different times.

Over the last few months we've been able to have some of those conversations. We're bringing our expectations in line with our life as it is today. The church we've been waiting for (a story for another day) finally developed from an in-home/coffee shop evening gathering to a full-fledged Sunday morning service, so we can finally go to church as a family. We're falling into familiar rhythms now that we're almost into our 4th cycle with the vineyard and our 2nd year as a family of four. We're good. We're content. We're moving forward into our future with gusto. We still never have enough money (ha!), but we've established rhythms with that too.

16 years later and I'll never be sorry I chose this man. Hard working, loyal, and faithful to the end.

Happy Birthday JP! I love you more than ever and I'm proud to be your wife!

Austin - 1.5 years

 

 

 

The littlest Perry is now a year and a half! (Actually now he's almost 20 months, but better late than never right?) Here's a little bit about our Aus now. Writing things down makes me feel like I'm more in control of the passing time than I actually am. :)

Luke calls him "Aust." I call him "Aus," "Aussie" or "Aussie Sauce" or "Boo," among several other annoying pet names. Justin is completely enamored by him.



First trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium in March

He loves to sit with me and read books. He'll point to the chair and say "book book book." After we sit down I'll grab a book and he'll say "yaaaay" and snuggle back against me so we can read. He has a similar move where if I'm sitting on the ground he'll pick up a book and back it up toward me until he is sitting in my lap. You'd have to see it to understand how cute it is.

First day of "school" back in September.

 

Austin loves "school." He goes two days a week and his teachers are the sweetest young women. A couple of months ago, his teacher told me they were out on the playground and found a ladybug. She said the other kids we either uninterested or wanted to stomp on it, but not Austin. He was really into examining it and letting it crawl on him. They had a similar experience with a beetle recently. I've noticed when we are outside that he really wants to bend down and examine the twigs and rocks as we walk. It's hard to be patient and let him explore, but I try to give him that freedom as much as I can when we're together. He also has a little school buddy, which is kind of hilarious to me. Apparently the other day a kid was being mean to Austin's friend and Austin stood up for him. I'm not sure exactly what that looks like in a room of 15-20month olds, but it sounded pretty sweet. I just hope he stays on the "defender" side of things his whole life.

Examining the flowers

Austin has always seemed like a thinker, even as a baby he looked like he was absorbing things around him and I think this still defines him. He also knows how to push big brother's buttons  - and he isn't afraid to do so. He doesn't let Luke railroad over him, he stands his own.

This happy guy

Austin still sucks his thumb - mostly when he is sleepy or unsure about a situation. He still holds my hand as he falls asleep and likes to have me hold his foot while we drive (because I can't reach his hand.) He'll take his shoes and socks off and grunt or cry until I realize that he is thrusting his foot in my direction and take hold. I wondered why my right arm had a perpetual knot in it...

First haircut, back in November. There were tears and the thumb was needed.

Even though he was shaggy before the haircut, he was still so cute.

 

He says things like "ready-set-goooooo!" and "flip flops" and "thank you." He is my snuggle bear and will randomly grab one of our hands, put his thumb in his mouth and put his head down to the side. It's the cutest. It's like he just wants to let us know that he's there and share a little love.

The other day he went over to the shelving brackets in his room and pretended to be picking something and then came back and "shared" it with Luke and me. Even though this isn't my first rodeo when it comes to having a toddler, the imaginations of these little guys always catch me off guard.

I love you Austin Tyler! Onward to two in a few short months! (But let's not rush it.)

Valentine Pictures 2014

Valentine pictures are my favorites. I tried to take some a few days ago, but the timing was bad. I set up my scene and had Austin be my test subject, but by the time Luke woke up from his nap it was late afternoon and a bit too dark in the house. Even though I had the camera on the no flash setting it kept going off anyway, which meant I missed a lot of perfect, both children looking at the camera, standing still moments. I'm a big fan of natural lighting because it means I don't really have to learn how to use all of the fancy settings.

I don't think I posted the pics from 2013 on this blog, so I'm including my favorites from last year too. I have the one on top blown up and hanging in my bedroom. I just love it so.

 

 

And here are the 2014 photos. These are the low-resolution versions.

 

 

 

 The scene usually started out like this (above) and ended with the boys wrestling on the floor. I probably reset them half a dozen times. At least they were having fun. I love the ones of Austin. I can't believe how big he looks in the ones by himself. I can't believe he'll be 18 months next week!

 

Truth: Valentine's Day Edition

The other day I was reading a blog and the person wrote that she was making valentines for her child's class, because, and this is a direct quote ... "store bought Valentines...ew." Fortunately I promised myself back in January 2013 that I was going to stop caring about crap like that and do what was right for us/me and rid myself of any "mommy guilt" that the Internet might try to lay on me.

Let me tell you, this year I took Luke to Target and turned him loose in the valentine aisle. He settled on a $2.50 box of "Planes" cards and I am totally okay with it. #noshameinthisgame.

....


Update:  I just spent 45 minutes addressing said cards, affixing stickers and positioning the accompanying temporary tattoos and realized that being creative might have taken an equal amount of time...buuuut it probably would have cost me more than $2.50, so I'm still good.


Here's to a guilt-free Valentine's Day everybody!

"I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!"

Let's do this December!

I'm having a moment of vulnerability, people. Have I ever told you about my theme song? I know, how Ally McBeal of me, right?

Whenever I feel like I need a dose of girl power or a reminder to be awesome, I listen to this and it makes me feel like kicking some ass and taking some names. I'm embedding the video here to give you context, but the song by itself is a bit more motivating.

This clip always makes me want to hit the stairmaster though, which is never a bad thing...

Things I don't want to forget about right now...

-The way the trees around here just exploded with color overnight. Reds, yellows, oranges.

-The shower of leaves that rains down from them when the breeze hits.

-Luke shouting, "It's a fall day?!?!"

-Austin's new-walker waddle, especially as he rapidly walks away from me, usually carrying something he's not supposed to have.

-How Luke cares for his brother when he's upset and how he looks after him by holding his hand or pinning him down so he can't get himself into trouble.

-Luke kicking his legs in the tub and Austin cracking up.

-When I tried to leave Austin in the crib and he wasn't ready to be left. He stood up and looked over the edge at me and put his head down sideways on the railing with his thumb in his mouth. He looked so much like a toddler and it struck my heart in an oddly poignant way.

-Luke singing, "Happy Birthday Jesus," a song he's learning for the school Christmas performance, unprompted in the car on the way home.

-Watching Austin do the "fast waddle' over to me, arms held up exuberantly to be picked up when I arrive at daycare.

-Luke's face lighting up and a shout of "mommy!" when he sees me come into his classroom.

-Luke coming out from watching a show with his dad and asking, "will you do night time with me?"

-The magic sleep inducing powers of a warm little relaxed body lying next to me in bed that throws my evening plans for productivity completely out the window virtually every night.

-The completeness I feel snuggling up to Luke and reading stories before bedtime or when I'm rocking Austin to sleep in his room.

-The way Austin savors his food; smacking his lips and enjoying every bite.

-How I can turn either of my boys' moods around with tickles or some other silly trick.

-Luke's imagination. Ships, pirates, race cars, scary octopus, rocket ships, going on missions, "the sea." "That will be perfect!" "Sure, mommy." "No no no no no no no, not that way...this way."

-Austin saying, "1, 2, 3 go!" and trying to sing his ABC's along with Luke in the car (that one caught me off guard).