Pursuing Joy

There's been a lot of talk about happiness in our house lately. Where does it come from? Do we have it? Why or why not?

Out of this discussion, and some research on Justin's part (for another endeavor), we've discovered that there's a big difference between "happiness" and "joy." We are hardwired to seek after things that bring happiness. The world encourages this behavior and I think our instincts crave it. The problem with "happiness" is that it is a temporary emotion, fleeting. Sure, there is a part of our genetic makeup that leads us to be either be a generally happy or unhappy person, but a lot of our day to day mood is based on circumstances beyond our control or the choices we make to bring us happiness. According to Justin's research, significant events in our life can give us a big jolt of happiness (or conversely, sadness), but over time we will always even out to our normal emotional state.

This helped me realize why I haven't felt "happy" lately.  After Luke was born I was over the moon, riding high on a major dose of happiness. After that high wore off, I've been looking for ways to get back to that place of incandescent happiness. It's not that I walk around with a sad face or negativity in my heart, I just haven't had that happiness high for a long time and I haven't been able to explain why.

I base a lot of my "happiness" on other people. I seek approval and validation from others to make me feel good (happy). I don't like this reality, but it's true. As a kid and a college student, I was lucky enough to get a ton of validation from my parents and my teachers. Every test, every paper, every "success" was a little boost of happiness. Same thing as a young professional. There weren't a lot of twenty-somethings excelling in their careers, so I always felt validated in my work and my community involvement. Now all of a sudden, I'm in my 30's, with a good job, but now there are new 20-somethings that are zooming past me into big "important" jobs that I wouldn't even dream of chasing because of my changing priorities. My big happiness doses - marriage, new careers, babies, are few and far between these days. The validation and approval doesn't come at every turn like it once did. For the first time in my life I feel average. I see other people who are exceling at things like blogging, photography, crafting, cooking, working out, home schooling their kids, advancing in their careers, writing books, or otherwise making big life accomplishments and I feel like that part of my life has passed me by. Being pulled in multiple directions as a working mom and a wife have left me feeling pretty mediocre; not really excelling at any one specific thing.  I miss the kudos. I miss the praise. I miss the euphoria of being recognized as really good at something.

Then we had the "happiness" discussion. I realized that I have been missing those little jolts of validation and approval that brought happiness, albeit temporary. We haven't had any new jobs or major life changes to bring us those happiness highs lately. Our financial situation, while better than some, still doesn't afford us many luxuries (a bi-montly house cleaner and semi-regular appointments to the salon would be at the top of my list). We're underwater on our mortgage, like most of the nation, with credit card debt to boot. Still, I feel really blessed and fortunate for all of the really great stuff in our life. Family, friends, a husband who loves and supports me (even in my ugly and hurtful moments), jobs that haven't been furloughed, the ability to pay our ridiculous mortgage and still go out to dinner and take trips to visit Jeff in SoCal. And with all that going for me, what's not to be blissfully happy about? What is wrong with me? These questions have plagued me for weeks.

This weekend we finally figured it out. In the Bible, Jesus doesn't say much about happiness. He does however, talk a lot about joy. Joy. Oh  how I love the word joy. I constantly pray that Luke will have a joyful spirit and that he will bring joy to others. How could I have forgotten that so easily in my own life? For the past 10 years or so, my favorite verse has been Philippians 2:2 where Paul tells the church to "shine like stars" and to be a light in a crooked and depraved generation. I've never been big on evangelizing, but I've always hoped that the light and the hope of Jesus would shine through me. It used to, I think. But, somehow the everyday trials of life have dimmed it and I'm pretty sure it hasn't been very bright for a long time. I've been asking myself and God how to get it back for a few weeks now.

Then we started talking about joy and I realized that I have been wasting so much time these last few months chasing happiness that I forgot about the joy. No, I'm not all of a sudden ridiculously happy or anything, but the joy is there. It's still buried under some crap and feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, but it's there. Like a little green bud popping through the surface reminding me that spring (both literally and figuratively) is here and that life is ultimately good. It also serves as a reminder to stop chasing temporary happiness in 5-minute caffeine highs or in approving blog or facebook comments and to do things and make decisions that will bring lasting joy. Excelling at my job for the 8 hours a day that I am there. Taking trips and making memories with my 1-year-old. Appreciating the time I get to spend with my family. Being a good friend. Finally finishing those photo books of Luke that I can enjoy forever rather than wasting time reading a bunch of blogs of people I don't know. Embracing my life as it is now and participating in things that will bring lasting joy rather than striving for the little things that will bring temporary happiness.   

What can you do that will bring lasting joy to your life today?

Too Much Talk

That's the way I feel about blogging about losing weight. Remember when I said I would post every Friday about my weight loss accomplishments? Well, this whole weekly update thing feels counterproductive and like too much talk. So, forget it. I'm going to quit talking about it and get back to you in 10 weeks to let you know how I've fared in reaching my June goal.

In the meantime, I'll focus on my blogging strengths - cute pictures of my kid, family updates and the occasional musings on life (which may not really be a strong point, but I'm going to do it anyway).

Retail Therapy

I've been feeling really down the last few months. I have no good reason for feeling this way. Life is generally good and, for the most part, I feel extremely blessed in my life. Despite all these blessings, I've just felt a little "off" for a few months. That feeling of "off-ness" came to a head this morning. A blah meeting at work mixed with gray skies and flooded streets left me in need of a pick me up. I decided that I hadn't had a good retail therapy session in quite awhile (months!) so, armed with a 30% off coupon and my favorite co-worker, I braved the elements for a trip to Old Navy on my lunch hour. Once inside, I was overcome by the bright spring colors and the sale prices and got a little bit carried away in the heat of my endorphin-filled shopping frenzy. Here are a couple of my poorly thought out purchases. Which I am convinced may just turn out to be the absolute best kind of purchases.

It's a shame that winter decided to roll back into California, because all my spring-y purchases will have to wait.

What's your cure for the blahs?

The Fountain

Luke loves the water, and this fountain is no exception.

And, as it with most water sources, his fun required a change of clothes later. A small price to pay for so much fun.

A Quick Trip South

We made yet another trip to LA this weekend for a wedding. This time Sommer and Mike tagged along and we all spent the weekend at Jeff's apartment. After our bouts with the flu last week we really had to rally, but we had a great weekend and I enjoyed seeing a dear friend get married.

It poured rain on Sunday and we had to endure snow over the grapevine on the way home, but I felt especially bad for these folks - runners in the LA marathon. Talk about miserable.

While the runners faced the elements, we had an audience with the President...

danced with JT...

messed around with Forrest's shoes...

skateboarded with Tony Hawk...

played video games...

and played guitar with Uncle Jeff.

A great weekend!

Picture Perfect

I recently offered to take some pics of my friend Gina's boys. Specifically, their 2-year and 9-month photos. Her regular photographer is on hiatus due to a family situation, so I figured I'd give my usual model a break and use the opportunity to try out my photo skills attempts on someone else's kids for a change.
Here are a few of my favorites!

He went inside and pressed his face up against the glass. Tee hee.



 My favorite

Aren't they super cute kids!

Week 3

I'm already boring myself with all this weight loss talk. Blah blah blah. Becky wants to lose weight. We know. We get it. Hurry up and do it already.

But...because I'm not a quitter and I've promised weekly updates, here it is:

Flu last week = best diet ever!
Weekend trip to LA for a wedding = all flu-induced diet help negated
Verdict:  Last week was a draw

Also, I signed up for a free online course offered by Kaiser Permanente that's some weight loss support group thing. It's free, but I had to do a half hour session on the phone with a wellness coach (also free). So basically, I got to talk about myself for 30 minutes to a captive audience. Kind of awesome.

11 weeks to go!

Let the games begin!

My office mates and I may have found our post-Twilight obsession.

It's a 3-part series and they're in the process of casting the first movie now. Apparently we don't like to stray too far from the "Young Adult" genre. Has anyone else out there read these?

Becoming a Hot Mom - Week 2

Week 2 of 14

Well since my vacation week was a total (and completely expected) bust, I kickstarted my new healthy lifestyle this week instead. I only gained 2 lbs on our vacation (not 5 like I imagined), and was able to shed those pretty quickly this week. So now I am officially at:

Starting weight X

Here's what I started working on this week:

• Reduced carb diet - I am still eating fruit and drinking milk, but am mostly trying to avoid starches and refined sugars to help me detox and curb my cravings.
• Drinking more water - I usually do pretty well keeping with the recommended 6 to 8 glasses a day, but have upped that to 12 to 14.
• Taking the stairs - I've been making the effort to climb the 3 flights of stairs everyday.

I meant to go back to the gym this week, but haven't been able to balance my "work from home" day schedule, which means I end up waking up super early or going to bed really late (occasionally a combination of both) to catch up on work and don't have time to make it to the gym. Getting that back on track is on the agenda for next week.

Accomplishment of the Week:
RAW Bars

I have heard a lot of talk about people making their own "raw" energy bars. Made from dried fruit and nuts, they are really healthy and organic. I promise you, I am NOT the kind of person who makes her own food or really worries too much about manmade ingredients (or uses her food processor...like ever), but for some reason this project intrigued me. And they were really easy!

Needs:
Dried dates
Dried apricots
Dried cranberries
Almonds
Food processor

How to make:
Recipe from Enlightened Cooking
Mix dates and cranberries in food processor on pulse and remove (this will make a paste)
Chop almonds in the food professor and put into a separate bowl
Take part of your fruit paste and mix it together with the almonds (using your hands)
You can either form the resulting combination into a bar shape or do what I did and roll them into balls.

(You can repeat this using dates and apricots)

I actually ran out of dates and ended up trying to use just apricots, cranberries and dried pineapple. When the mixture didn't form the right sticky paste consistency (the dates help with this) I added a huge tablespoon of peanut butter to the mix before I combined them with the almonds. This probably made it a lot less "raw," but they were actually my favorite of the two batches.

I stored 2 or 3 balls (depending on size)  in ziplock bags in the fridge and they've been a great healthy treat for me to grab and eat for breakfast as I head out the door. And now I have a new found excitement about the food processor that has been in my cupboard for the last 8 1/2 years. Hooray!

12 weeks til Goal Completion Date!

A Very Perry Spring Break

Last week we were on vacation. We only had a couple of specific things on our itinerary during the week, so we decided to wing it for the first couple of days and not make any concrete hotel reservations or plans. Beware: There are a lot of pictures below. I took more than 600, so believe me when I say that I did my best to choose the best ones to tell the story. (As this barely scratches the surface, expect more on facebook in the near future.)

Days 1 & 2:  Monterey/Pacific Grove
It is our favorite place, so we decided to make it our first stop. We ate dinner at the Fish Hopper on Cannery Row while I checked Twitter feeds for updates on the winners of the Academy Awards.
Luke loved the ocean. It was all we could do to keep him from running straight into the surf. And we couldn't have asked for more beautiful weather and lovely cloud-filled skies.

After we leaving Monterey we headed down the coast and stopped in San Luis Obispo at the Apple Farm for a late lunch. If you're lucky enough to be Justin's facebook friend, you likely saw the ridiculous number of pics and videos he posted of our trip. (Sorry.) After a fun encounter with a fountain there, Luke's second pair of shoes (he only has 2) got wet and both had to dry out on the dashboard for the duration of our drive. (The first pair was wet from his dip in the ocean earlier in the day.)

We decided to stop in Pismo Beach for the night and got a great rate and an ocean view at the first place we stopped.

Day 3:  Solvang and other destinations

We got up and continued down the coast to the cute little Danish town of Solvang where we enjoyed $32 worth of pastries (not all at once, but certainly over the course of the next 24 hours.) We stopped at Olsen's Bakery because of its stellar ratings on Yelp. These ratings were confirmed when we saw on the news that they had just been on the Food Network for one of their unique cakes. We were not disappointed.

And this was the box we got "to go."

After pastries and exploring the town for about an hour, we headed up the road to the Quicksilver Ranch. Home of a dozen or so miniature horses. (Justin found it online - random. If we'd had the time we would have also hit up nearby Llamaville. Next trip.)

On the way back to the freeway we spotted one of the most amazing children's parks I have ever seen!

After a stop in Santa Barbara to meet up with my MIL and her friends who were heading back up the coast after a girl's weekend in LA (where they stood in a mob outside the Kodak Theatre on Oscar Night, got their hair done on the Warner Brothers lot, saw Academy Award winner Colin Firth and made a 2-second cameo on the Ellen Show), we continued south with a plan to meet up with our friend Heidi at an awesome BBQ place in the Long Beach area called Lucille's. We picked up Jeff on the way and had an awesome dinner. A picture does exist from this event, but Justin looks pretty terrible in it and I decided to be nice. (Heidi however, looked fabulous!)

Day 4:  Disneyland

Because we are the most ridiculous people on the planet, Luke made his 3rd trip to Disneyland in 7 months. He was so much more engaged on this trip and even "asked" to go on some of the rides, pointing vigorously at the Tomorrow Land spaceships and dancing during Small World. He was a little less sure about Pirates of the Caribbean (burying his head quietly in my shoulder during part of it) and was a bit apprehensive as Justin and I shot aliens on Astroblasters. (He's a lover, not a fighter.) We also had lunch at Club 33, which was the motivation behind the trip to the Mouse House in the first place.

Side Note:  Did you know they were taking out the CALIFORNIA letters in front of the California Adventure park? Totally gone. :(

 

Days 5 & 6:  Los Angeles

While I was at a CASE conference (for people who work in University Advancement), Luke and Justin went swimming, hung out in Santa Monica and had an all around good time. Me? I got a lot of good new information about social media marketing and ate a lot.

Day 7:  Hollywood

My conference went for part of the day, but in the afternoon we headed up into the Hollywood Hills to the Griffith Park Observatory. It is absolutely beautiful up there. You can see the Hollywood sign on one side and the rest of Los Angeles on the other. It is a great place to go to escape the urban atmosphere of LA.

"Where do I look dad?
 "There son."

"Over there?"

That night we headed home. We had a great trip! Thanks for sharing our adventures!