37 Weeks!

I see these "bumpdates" a lot on some of the mommy blogs I read. I kind of love reading them about other people, so I wanted to do a quick one while I still had the chance.

In the bathroom at work. For the record, this is a good mirror and probably not an accurate representation of real life. Note:  Flip flops are usually inappropriate work attire but that is all that fits these puffy feet.

How far along...37 weeks

Size of baby...approximately 6 lbs - according to the Baby Center app on my phone.

Total weight gain...11 lbs and this has all been in the last six weeks. Sad trombone. (Don't think of this as any sort of achievement. I was overweight when I got pregnant, so the fact that I haven't added to it much is nice, but I'm still seeing numbers I've never seen before. Yikes! I'm hoping I'm like Jessica Simpson and have like 50 lbs of water weight and amniotic fluid in there.) ;)

Maternity clothes...I started wearing the elastic waist pants almost immediately after I found I was pregnant (see above). I wish they were appropriate all the time! I bought a few tops on clearance early on, borrowed several items from a friend and finally decided to take the maxi dress plunge a couple of months ago. I've been trying to get by on a few key pieces, so I can I spend money on cute non-prego clothes in a couple of months!  Lately I've been mostly rocking the long pants and/or long dress look to cover up my unrecognizable ankles.

Sleep...who needs it?!? Just kidding. I usually get up twice to use the restroom, which isn't horrible. I'm pretty good at falling back asleep afterwards. I usually go to bed late and get up pretty early, which makes for fewer night time bathroom interruptions.

Best Moment of the Week...I wish I could say getting our air conditioning fixed, but that still hasn't happened. We did, however, find out that our home warranty company is going to buy us a WHOLE NEW UNIT! And, the temps got considerably cooler last week AND we are getting reimbursed for two little window coolers that have helped make things bearable. SO...all in all, a good week on the home front!

Miss anything...my normal size ankles and the ability to walk without waddling. I never had "cankles" when I was pregnant with Luke. These appendages CANNOT possibly be mine!

Movement...yes, he's a mover. Mostly I feel his little feet kicking me in the top of my stomach. I love it!

Anything making you queasy or sick...Usually no, but I ate horrible, bad junk food this weekend and my stomach paid the price. I apologized out loud to poor Baby A. Hopefully he was unaffected by my poor choices.

Cravings...icy drinks. I want frozen drinks like slushies, pina coladas, frappachinos, etc all the time, but I have to be careful because of the sugar content.

Gender...boy

Labor signs...some Braxton Hicks contractions now and again - something I never had with Luke, but that started around week 25 with this guy.

Symptoms...big 'ol belly, some back pain, difficulty standing up, round ligament pain, other discomforts (baby boy is looooow)

Stretch marks...yes. I only got one with Luke and that one has gotten considerably longer and then a matching one developed in a parallel position on the other side of my tummy, which I thought was kind of cute - one for each baby! Now there are several other tiny ones sprouting up between the two massive ones, which kind of takes away the "cuteness" of the matching pair. Oh well, my bikini days were behind me YEARS ago, so it doesn't really bother me.

Belly button in or out...getting flatter by the day

Wedding rings on or off...I took those bad boys off weeks ago. It was really important to me to wear them my whole pregnancy with Luke, but it's been such a hot summer that I took them off in June and never looked back!

Mood....More tired the last couple of days. I had a hormonal meltdown last week because my house is/was thrashed after having all the workers in and out and I was so tired of fighting with the various people involved in our AC situation. Hopefully that has passed and I'll be able to "nest" and finish the baby's room after this week!

Looking forward to...my last night of teaching class on Wednesday and my last day of regular work on Friday! Woo hoo! A break! A break! I'm hoping I will have at least a week to hang out with Luke and prepare the house/nursery for Baby A, but I've had a weird feeling through this whole pregnancy that this guy would be early. Luke was a week early, so you never know! As long as I can get through Wednesday's class and am able to wrap up some of my major work things, I'll be happy! Stuff can be hung on the nursery walls anytime!

I survived

For all two of you who happen to be following along, I didn't mean to leave you hanging.

I survived my first night of teaching! Only 4 more to go before the baby break! The students actually participated in the discussion, I made a "don't test the pregnant lady" joke, and we made it through the four hour time period without any issues. Except that it felt like it was 5,000 degrees in the classroom and I was sweating like crazy. (It was only 71.) Later in the evening I saw a girl turning up the thermostat because she was too cold. I wanted to yell out, "Don't touch the pregnant lady's thermostat! Are you crazy?!" But I didn't.

 The in-person teaching/lesson planning actually seems to be the easy part at this point. It's all the assignment posting/grading/feedback that has to be done online that has been a challenge for me. Partly because our wi-fi at home sucks booty, and because I'm still learning how to navigate the system and all of the university's rules and protocols. Every night I have to chip away at it a little bit at a time. I used to be able to stay up late and function pretty well, but these days by 10:30 my brain is mush and it's probably not the best time to be leaving feedback on student work. Considering Luke goes to bed at 9, that only leaves me an hour or two to do work. Today I tried to drag myself out of bed at 4:30, but ended up hitting the snooze button until 5:45 when I had to get up and get ready for work. Oops.

Oh, and did I mention we are still having issues with our air conditioner at home? And probably for the forseeable future since it is an estimated $2,000 - $5,000 to have the duct work repaired. I have to call and get another estimate. Fingers crossed it comes in a lot less. Like, A LOT. It was 88 degrees when I went to bed last night and 82 when I woke up. It's generally in the low 80s anyway and I can usually deal with it, but this pushing 90 business is ridiculous! We only have two ceiling fans in our house, so I try to alternate between those two rooms, but one is in the room furthest away from the wireless router (so really bad Internet) and the other is in our bedroom, which means I have to sit on the bed with the laptop, which just makes me even more sleepy ha ha.

Thank God I work in an air conditioned building for 9 hours a day. I may have to bring Luke down here with a sleeping bag and have a campout in one of the conference rooms.

At least the wi-fi would work.

And we'd have cable.

Hmmm....

Mile 18

Mile 18.

The point when I almost gave up.

The pain and the reality of 8.2 more miles started to set in and I wanted to throw in the towel.

Even in my inexperience, I knew that those last 8.2 miles were going to suck. Hard.

The bystanders, even my own family, didn't seem to understand. "You're almost there!" they shouted encouragingly. "Don't give up!" they urged from their folding chairs on street corners. "You can do it!" they told me flippantly through my tear-laden cell phone pleas.

I'm not almost there. It's not worth it. No, I can't.

But I did.

Those 8.2 miles took approximately another 3.5 hours.

Screwdriver-like pain piercing my quads I limped my way down half-deserted city streets. Water cups from long-abandoned water stations littering the shoulders. Other stragglers, each lost in their own mental or physical hell, trudging alongside.

6 hours and 50 minutes after striking out that morning, it was over. The hardest thing I had ever done in my life. And no one can take it away. Ever.

Running a marathon without training is kind of like starting a second (and unfamiliar) job in the third trimester of pregnancy. Stupid.

Today kind of feels like Mile 18. Except in the grand scheme of things I'm really only around Mile 5, I have a bowling ball strapped to my waist and it's 100 stinkin' degrees outside.

Once again, well-meaning family and friends are shouting their encouragement from the sidelines. "Don't give up!" "You can do it!"

The mental roadblocks are mounting. No I can't. It's not worth it. I'm too tired.

But the race has already started. The only thing to do is keep going. The last 8.2 miles are going to hurt like hell, but once I cross that finish line no one can take it away. Ever.

The other little project I've been working on...

I start teaching a class next week.

This is the culmination of an 8-month process of getting hired as a part-time faculty member for a major for-profit university with initials controversially similar to the non-profit University I also work for. (If you know me, you understand I'm being transparently obvious in a vague way here.)

I had hoped to transition to teaching shortly after earning my Master's degree in 2009. I applied for teaching jobs online a few times, had a couple of false starts where the doors slammed shut rather quickly and it became clear that it just wasn't "the right time" to take on a second job.

Finally, last November after coming back to work from disability leave for my severed thumb tendon...(Remember that?) I decided it was time to try again. The doors kept opening and I kept walking through them. Written interviews, phone interviews, in-person assessment and one-on-one interview, 5-week training course and now the final stage, mentorship. Throw in a pregnancy, an increasingly busy toddler, a house twice as big as the one I used to live in (with at least that much extra maintenance), and a full-time job and you pretty much have my life for the past several months.

So here we are. July 2012. The final stretch for a couple of major things in my life right now.

When they offered me this class at the end of May, I knew that the start date of July 25th would be getting ridiculously far into my 3rd trimester, and that the end date of August 22nd was borderline dangerously close to my September 9th due date. What to do? I have come so far in the last 8 months that I didn't want to prolong the process, so I accepted. I teach the course, under some guidance and evaluation from a mentor faculty member, and at the end he will decide whether I am qualified to be hired as a part-time instructor. (I'm not sure that showing up with an unexpected 7-month pregnant belly at our first meeting was the best way to set the tone for our relationship, but whatever.)

It's a public speaking class, which is material I am pretty comfortable with, and it's in-person at the university's Modesto campus. I'd be lying if I said the butterflies hadn't hit me hard the last couple of days as I started receiving emails that my gradebook was turned on and that I need to start posting in the online discussion forums.

I'm excited that I am finally making some steps toward getting viable college-level teaching experience that will hopefully open more doors for me in the future, but nervous as heck that I'm going to forget something major or not be able to manage the class appropriately. There's also that small worry that I might go into labor during the next 5 weeks or that my prego brain will completely bungle assignment details and the last 8 months will be for nothing! (Fortunately the hospital where I plan to deliver is right down the street from the campus, so I figure I will have a good couple of hours of teaching in me, even if my water breaks during a class session.) :)

Adding to my nervousness is the idea that if I DO make it through to the end and get hired, that adding an extra 15-20 hours of work a week (even if 75% of it is from home) is going to be a bit much with a baby and an almost pre-schooler. Eek! I'm trusting in the bigger picture though and the understanding that God is in control of all things. And thank heavens I have a great support team who helps me keep things running smoothly!

So, if you wouldn't mind, think good thoughts and send some prayers of peace and preparedness my way over the next few days! I need 'em!

Love,
Becky

Birthday Wish List 2012

My birthday is a month away, so it's time once again for the tacky birthday wish list! Hooray!

Here are a few things I am in want/need of, in case any of my immediate family members want ideas.  For those not in this immediate family category, sorry for posting this publicly. It just seems like the easiest place to do it and with a much smaller audience than say a Pinterest board.

Click on the photo for a link to the actual product:

Chevron striped rug in 3 x 5 size for master bedroom

$39 Urban Outfitters

Traveler's Choice Voyager Carry On Suitcase 

$48 on Overstock.com

Not very fun, but I'm looking for a new/spacious carry on for a work trip to Kansas City in July. Probably not one of my top priorities.

The "Pat," "Donna," or "Ryann"prima shells

$44-$49 each from Michebag.com

 

Gift cards to Shutterfly.com

(Because I have a lot of work to do on Luke's/our family photo albums before Baby #2 arrives! Like, to the tune of at least 1,000 prints and a couple of photo books!) Pretty sure these are available at the grocery store gift card kiosks, but don't hold me to it! In serious need of these, people!

Tom's Black Ballet Flats, size 9

$84 - online or Nordstrom

Kind of pricey, but I've had a horrible time finding comfortable/durable/stylish black flats for work and I love love love the look of these!

I know I should be asking for some of my more important baby needs, but per my mother (it's kind of her day too, ya know) I was only to suggest items for ME. Baby stuff is separate. Gotta love mom! :)

On Unicorns

Remember my little rant from a few weeks ago?
Yeah, I guess I needed to get a few things off my chest. And, it's the 21st century! If you can't make embarrassingly personal confessions on the Internet, where else can you make them?

Here are a few quotes that have spoken to me the past couple of weeks:

From the personal blog of a fellow "working mom." I stumbled on it and forgot to write down her blog link. Thanks random lady from the blogosphere!

"Embrace life's circumstances, know who you are and know who aren't and be happy with your role, with who you are now. If it's a working mom, stay-at-home mom or not a mom, there are reasons to love it and live it."

True 'dat. "Love it and live it." New motto?

The next two are from Kelle Hampton's blog, "Enjoying the Small Things." I looooove her....she's so dang positive and magical and throws the most.amazing.parties. Now that you mention it, sometimes I kind of hate her...

She wrote a post a couple of weeks ago in response to someone who made a negative comment about her sunshiny attitude in the face of adversity (her youngest daughter was born with Downs Syndrome). Even though she was referring to her own righteous indignation about something much deeper than my little ol' problems, it still helped me validate the the feelings behind my own bloggy tirade.

 "I think it's good from time to time to let ourselves 'feel' it--opposition, a little pain, a little fire. It reinstates our passion, puts us in touch with other perspectives, sharpens us. It felt very good to write that post and even better after I published it and moved on." I feel the same way Kelle. Gotta clear out the "junk" in order to shake it off and move on.

And this one that slapped me upside the head and said, "Snap out of it crazy girl! Saddle up that unicorn and ride it to the end of the rainbow!" (Kelle Hampton is kind of obsessed with unicorns.)

"There is reason for everyone to be unhappy. There is reason for everyone to be happy. What's your focus?"

Ouch.

Clearly my most recent focus has not been embracing my whole life with joy and gusto. It's been dreaming about how much I wish it could be different and filled with lots of "if onlys" that certainly aren't doing me any favors.

So, consider this my manifesto. I WILL be happy with my life! I will make the MOST of the life I've been given! Everything DOES happen for a reason! I have absolutely NOTHING to complain about! I will CHOOSE joy and unicorns! SUCK it bad feelings and negativity!*

There you have it. All better now.

:)

*It may seem like I'm oversimplifying here, but sometimes it just takes a little slap upside the head to remind us how we SHOULD be looking at life. And, as my mom used to say, sometimes we just need a little "attitude adjustment."

An Explanation

I've been frustrated lately. Frustrated by life. Frustrated by the delicate balance between work and home. The roles of worker and mother. Wife and mother. Wife and bread winner.
I have to work. It's not in the cards financially for me to not work. Not even a little bit. Not even in a "if you just sacrifice a little you can have it all" kind of way. I have to earn what I earn and not a penny less at this time in our lives. I also support our family with health benefits that are better than those offered by my husband's company. That being said. Since I HAVE to work, I would at least like to be moving forward in my career. Sounds easy, right? Unfortunately I have discovered two problems with that. I will explain shortly...

Four years into my current career, I am itching for change. It's not that I don't like my job. It's good. There are a lot of challenges to keep me busy. I really enjoy my co-workers. The thing is, the industry I'm in, people don't stay in a position like mine for more than 3 to 5 years. They move onwards and upwards.  It's time for the next step. The problem I have found with my attempts at upward mobility are two-fold: 

1) People don't want to hire someone who explicitly tells them they have a two-year-old son who is "really important in my life." (I know, who in their right mind would disclose this information in the first place? Yup, this girl.) They aren't legally able to tell you that this is a death sentence for your future, but I just had a first hand experience that indicates otherwise.

2) I don't want to work harder or more hours. I don't want to commute. I work enough hours and weekends as it is and I refuse to do more than I am already committed to. I had yet another first hand experience a few months ago where my supervisor told me that he thought I needed to be sitting in my chair at 7pm every night like some of my co-workers in order to be seen as a leader and worthy of a promotion in my current job. At this point in my life, that's just not going to happen. Upward mobility be darned, I guess.

All this to say, I'm frustrated.

Leaving my darling boy everyday tears me apart. It's been harder than usual lately. Probably because the changes are coming at a more rapid pace. If my career was going somewhere, maybe this would be easier to take. Who knows? Some moms love their jobs, have found a great balance between their mommy and work roles and wouldn't want it any other way. I've searched my soul and determined this isn't me. At least not right now. I think I would always want to earn money somehow, just with a more flexible schedule. Teaching college part-time somewhere (I'm going through this hiring process now actually - on top of my current job), free lancing, professional blogging (ha ha), etc. I would just love to get back even a portion of the 10 hours a day that I am away from Luke. Sooner than later he'll be in school and I feel I will have missed something precious.

Sometimes I envy people who don't work. I envy their craft time. I envy their beautiful, full days with their children. I envy their playdates and their time for baking. I envy their potential for nap time (maybe that doesn't exist in that world either. Ha ha.) When I say "envy," I'll be honest, it's an unhealthy, gut-wretching envy that makes me feel ugly inside. I hate it.

I know the grass isn't always greener, and if I were on that side of the fence I would probably envy the moms who got to wash the food out of their hair, dress up and leave the house for grown up conversations and personal fulfillment on a daily basis. But, I hope I would savor its sweetness a little more knowing what life was like without it.

I don't mean to sound depressing or complain-y (is that a word?) or act like "my life is so hard." Everybody has "stuff" and this is just the "stuff" I've been going through lately. Trying to come to grips with the fact that this is my life and my responsibility to my family right now. That doesn't mean I'm not working towards a way to change this reality, (Justin and I both are), but for now I'm in an uncomfortable place. The desire to grow as a professional chafing against my desires to be the best mommy to my son.

For that reason, I've decided to start a new blog. You may have seen a post meant for that blog come across your blogger dashboard or google reader this afternoon. Rookie multiple blog site poster mistake. I removed the post pretty quick and put it where it was intended, but I felt like I wanted to explain. In case it caused any confusion. I'm sure all 7 followers of this blog were really concerned (insert sarcasm font). I figure I've been going through this discomfort for a reason and thought I would bring a voice to the defining role in my life right now, "Working Mom." 90% of the blogs I read are written by stay-at-home-moms or moms who make a living by blogging or etsy sales. I haven't found much out there for women like me. So, I thought I'd see if I can fill that void.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for understanding. If you are a stay-at-home-mom reading this you might not understand where I'm coming from because you have "stuff" that is hard and uncomfortable about your situation. Regardless, I truly hope you won't pass unnecessary judgement. I see a lot of vitriol spewed from both sides of "the mommy wars" and it turns my stomach. Being a mom is hard no matter what your situation in lfe. I may envy you to an unhealthy degree, but I also give you big props for what you do and I know it can't be easy either. I hope you can extend the same grace and understanding to me.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my favorite job! Gotta go pick up "the boss" from his overnight at the Grandparents. :)

Semi Grown Up Christmas Wish List

Christmas Wish List:

I have reached a new level of tackiness! I promised Justin a detailed list of what I want/need for Christmas and feel this is the best forum to do that.

J, feel free to share it with anyone else needing inspiration this year. (Mom, this does not include you - you already got a list!) :)

Black glitter Toms - Size 9

Simple gray ruffle hoodie from Evy's Tree - Size Large

Silver glittery "chicaband"

Supposedly they are great for keeping your hair out of your face when running.

Mindy Kaling's new book

"High in the sky" necklace from Lisa Leonard Designs

Skinny tag:  "Luke"

Round charm:  "Shine"

Utility Tote (in black or fun dark print)

Since a cleaning lady isn't in the cards this Christmas, I really need a utility tote to streamline my cleaning process. (I have 3 bathrooms now!)

I really like this one from 31 Things because of all the outside pockets, but it may only be available at catalog shows.

1 TB - External hard drive 

Gift cards are always helpful and appreciated.

Personally I enjoy:  Target, Starbucks, H&M and Old Navy the most

Homemade gifts

I always love personalized gifts that involve pictures of people I love. No fancy or expensive gift can compare to these in my book.

Stationery card

We Are Thankful Fall Greeting

Invitations, announcements and greeting cards by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Where you can find me

Don't worry. I haven't forgotten about you little blog. I've just been spending more time over here these days.

Do you ever blog in your head? I feel like I blog about stuff all day long - it just never makes it from my brain to the keyboard. And uploading pictures from my phone and/or camera just seems to be an extra hassle I haven't wanted to deal with lately.

So, because I kind of hate when people make excuses for not blogging; I have decided to do exactly that and give you a brief list of my excuses for not blogging lately.

1.No Internet at the new house. (We can actually use the 3G network on our Verizon phones to connect, but I don't really know for sure how much it's costing me so I've been limiting my usage.)

2. Work is killing me. (Read:  I've been reeeeeaaaal busy and probably shouldn't be blogging from work anyway...)

3. I'm pooped. (Summer hours ended last week, so I'm back to the usual 8 to 5. Throw in an extra 30 minutes each way on my new commute, plus dinner, dishes, laundry at the old house because we don't have our laundry room set up yet, playing and bath time with Luke, attempting to unpack boxes, chores, etc and whew! I'm ready for bed.

There it is. I haven't forgotten you. Just because I have a new mistress in the form of This Vine Life, doesn't mean our relationship has to end. I'll be back, I promise!

(Right after I get some rest, stop working so much and start putting together coherent thoughts again.)

Thoughts On Moving

I wish my moving experience could be more like a movie montage.

It would go something like this:  Paint rolling, floor sweeping, window washing, furniture carrying, photo hanging, flower arranging, etc. - all done in a fast forwarded, three-minute segment set to a peppy song culminating in real time when the cutely disheveled, pony-tailed, looks-awesome-in-jeans protaganist tosses a perfectly matched throw pillow onto her well-placed couch and then plops down looking adorably exhausted.

Sadly, my experience is a little more realistic, but it does have these two guys going for it.

And despite the paint covered hair, the five or six hours spent AFTER work getting the place ready (I'm very Type A about my painting) and the ick factor of cleaning up someone else's dirt, as well as the new "country bug" situation I am facing; I am reminded why we are doing it and just how blessed I am in this whole endeavor. Here's to embracing the adventure!

(I still wish I could be the cutely disheveled protaganist though.)

An Unexpected Break

We were planning to be moving/painting/unpacking/etc. during our week long vacation at the end of July. Since that didn't happen, we decided to make the most of our completely free week and relax. Our house in boxes, we thought getting out of town was the best course of action. With new house expenses coming, we didn't want to spend a ton of money, so here's how we spent our week:

Boating with the In-Laws

Luke enjoyed his first time on the boat - for the most part. He was much more comfortable ON the boat than swimming in the lake. Could be due to the fact that one of his first in-lake experiences was a quick jump into the water with his dad. He may be traumatized for life. He felt better when we let him float on the knee board.

(For the record, we really didn't pull him on the knee board - it was just for show.)

After a day at the lake we stopped at the Nut Tree in Vacaville for dinner and a chance to play on the fun equipment.

Next up - visiting the dentist in Oakdale!

Normally a trip to the dentist wouldn't be the highlight of a vacation, but since our dentist is an old college friend we planned a dinner date after our appointments. While waiting for daddy to get his teeth cleaned, Luke made his way through all of the books and magazines in the waiting room. After he finished those he found a Gideon Bible in a drawer and carried it around the room and up and down various chairs. Dr. Simon was glad to hear that someone finally put it to good use!

Monterey Bay

The next day we got up early and headed to Monterey for a couple of nights. Thanks to our Monterey Bay Aquarium membership (yay Aunt Pat!), our entertainment was free! My camera batteries died, so the best I could do were cell phone pictures on this trip.

The outer bay exhibit just reopened so we stared in awe at the big blue tank for quite awhile.

Luke loved all the little areas built especially for people his size.



He loves the ones that go "round and round and upside down" like in his fish book (Hooray for Fish - check it out!)



We also went to Dennis the Menace Park for the first time. 

(A typical Luke shot these days involves me getting a great view of his back as he runs away from me.)

Friday we came home and spent the weekend packing, meeting up with friends for dinner and stopping by the new (yet to be official - but we're close!) house to check on progress and decide on paint colors. Sunday night we finished off the week with a going away party for one of my favorite co-workers. She's leaving to become a stay-at-home mom for awhile (sniff sniff). As you can see, my boss' dog was a big fan of Luke.

That's it! A recap of our "relaxing" and unexpected vacation week.